Asking for help isn't all bad.

// Not allowed.

Back in 1998, I would have been 17, but I (and around 35 other 17 year olds) were dumped in Central London as part of our Army training for 48hrs.

No mobile phones, no money and no way to fend for ourselves.

They called the whole exercise 'initiative training' and we had a drop off point and then a collection point - during the 48hrs, we had to complete various tasks. The stand out tasks for me were to appear on live radio (and get a tape of it), get yourself fed (with no money) and the most important one.. find somewhere to sleep - again, with no money.

The whole exercise was to build confidence in asking for something - my kids nowadays struggle with ordering themselves a drink at McDonalds or getting themselves a sausage roll at Greggs whereas we were expected to try and blag a night in a hotel, food and where possible - to get on air at a radio station.

But I distinctly remember having the stereotypical teenage bravado at that point - I never had confidence at school but what the Army gave me was unabated confidence to 'lead' - in the most basic sense, I thought I was a leader.

We were blasting around London looking to complete various tasks and getting things done but it was getting late - around 8-9pm, dark out and it was getting colder - the distinct possibility of sleeping rough was slowly getting closer to becoming a reality and we were offered a lifeline - I don't have the clearest memory but I remember walking down the street (near a British Legion hotel thingy) and we had been offered a place to stay... a bed (albeit in the dining room of this hotel) and the hotel manager was chatting to us about what was acceptable behaviour and what wasn't if he let us in.

I was refusing to listen, I wanted to find my own place to stay, I thought we could get to somewhere like the Savoy and deliver results for my team without someone else taking the glory and I was willing to shoot myself in the foot to do so - I wanted to be the one to get the results and my ego was stopping me from accepting the help which was being given.

I just wouldn't have it - I was willing to turn down the offer of help because I thought I was more capable.

// Things don't change.

The weird thing is - we did accept the help, we did stay at the hostel thing and we were the only small team to do so (it wasn't 35 of us in a team, we were in small teams of about 5) - everyone else either slept rough or bailed on the whole exercise - we got a place to stay but only just, I nearly managed to ruin it all.

It's funny that even after 30 years, very little changes - as you know, I now work at Yammayap and for more months than I can count, we've been working on our positioning and our messaging, I like to think that I'm fairly good at positioning and getting a company's message right but it's slightly different when you're working on a business which has existed for over 20 years and has moved it's offering towards something very bespoke in the last 3-4 years and they need to update almost everything without overcomplicating things.

The messaging from within has changed (we changed what we do around 5 years ago) and the external messaging needed to change with it - we've been banging our heads together for many months with differing opinions on what works best and where we should head but with very little progress.

This week something clicked into place and it wasn't because we'd spent long enough on it, that we'd just stumbled on the answer - nope, we actually invited someone in who isn't tainted by our existing messaging and isn't wedded to the business so that they feel like they need to stick to a lane.

But it's not just the work that I do with Yammayap that has had some external influence, I've just set up a headshot session to have some creative headshots for my 'immattking' brand as I was becoming frustrated with myself over where I wanted to head with it all and then last week, I enlisted the help of a designer I really like to work on the branding for The Clique newsletter - all because without their input, nothing would move forwards.

But these are all recent revelations because this stuff is hard - those who are experts in their field have been doing it for some time and it's only recently that I've realised that I can get somewhere a lot faster when I don't try to do it all alone.

Sometimes, all that information in your head will be clouding up the ideas and it actually prevents you from taking action - too much information invokes a state of paralysis and having someone else deliver results for you, actually gets those ideas out of your head.

// The Ego

For those of us who want to build something that has impact or has an effect on people, we want to make sure we manage the process and creative output properly - it's really hard to accept the help (even if it's offered) if you're the person leading the charge or the one who's building something because we want to take pride in the work we deliver.

Pride could also be described as control - we want the glory our work brings but we're holding onto things which don't have a greater impact (our logos, our styling) because those micro things don't have as big an impact as being consistent.

We're also fed this entrepreneurial dream by social media - we are all being force-fed the societal dream of 'do it all yourself' and when you see the myth making practice take on a life of it's own in your head, you believe you actually can do everything.

It's the same as when I was given the conditioning within the Army to not have any fear, to have the utmost confidence because you can take ownership and lead a group - just because I can lead and I do have the utmost confidence, it doesn't mean I should always be that way - you have to remember that humility and and a sense of camaraderie will do more sometimes than striding forwards alone.

// The Now

I now see that getting help is the smart move, it's the efficient move which gets you better results. The small collaborations that I'm in at the moment move the needle way faster in lots of areas than if I'd decided to go alone - everything's sharper, everything is quicker and the whole process is a lot less frustrating.

I've given up trying to be the hero in every single task.

When Steve Jobs started Apple, he had Steve Wozniak - they each had their own strengths and they both strived to deliver something in a unique way - I guess what I'm trying to say is that no-one builds alone.

It's what I'm trying to do with The Clique - I'm sharing my thoughts, my processes and my learnings in such a way that it's a form of collaboration - I don't know everything but I am pretty sure my learnings and musings about how I'm trying to achieve something go some way to offering a path for someone else.

This isn't about knowing everything and being an internet bro who shares his secrets in a handy 5 bullet point PDF download - its more than that.

// The Collective

We all say “no-one builds alone” but how often do we really let people in?

That’s the thing I’m learning with The Clique. It started as a place to put my thoughts out into the world, but it’s slowly becoming something else. It’s becoming a space to test ideas, to hear from others, to offer value in a way that isn’t transactional - but still transformational.

I’m not saying I’ve nailed it. I’m not even saying it’s working in the traditional sense. But it’s starting to feel like momentum. And it’s only happening because I’ve started opening the door.

Getting help doesn’t always look like sitting down with a mentor or hiring a team - it sometimes just looks like not hoarding your own ideas. Sometimes it’s just saying something out loud, or asking someone if it makes sense. Sometimes it’s tagging someone in to design something because you know you’ll sit on it for six weeks if you don’t.

It’s small. But it’s a shift.

And I want The Clique to be part of that shift - not just for me, but for you too. Whether it’s a story, a spark, a strategy, or something in-between - I want to make sure we’re not just shouting into the void.

We’re moving forward. Together.

// The Sign Off

So, maybe this is your reminder - same way I got mine walking past a hotel in 1998 - that help is allowed.

That there’s no badge of honour for doing it the hard way if the hard way gets you nowhere, its the fact that leadership doesn’t mean doing it alone. And that the best way to actually build something… is to let people in.

Whether it’s your brand, your business, your next move - or just the jumble of ideas in your head - you don’t have to do it all yourself.

Let someone help. Let someone sharpen it. Let someone hold the door.

Because the shortcut?

It’s not cheating.
It’s collaboration.