Doing what you love..

// A life of loves.

This week, I stumbled across a Facebook group where my old schoolmates had a 'reunion' about 8-9 years ago and it brought back some memories of faces that I hadn't seen in over 30 years.

I left my secondary school just one year into the first year as I relocated to London - only to return to the school 2-3 years later when I moved back... the faces didn't change but my place in the school did. I was out of the friendship groups, I didn't have a place and so, going to any form of reunion wasn't top of my agenda.

The funny thing about this Facebook group though was that within it was a 'story' written about all the pupils by the then Head of Year, Mrs Clarke. I think it was based around what each pupil was interested in at the time and my entry was listed as 'stories of computer-fraud millionaire Matthew King's dissipated lifestyle in Brazil?' - even when I was 15-16, I was interested in tech and definitely interested in making money.

I have to admit, I find it slightly concerning that my Head of Year listed me as a 'convicted fraud millionaire' but I guess I was always trying to get free lunch passes and music club passes (those got you to the front of the lunch queue.

Back when I was at school - I was the geek interested in lots of tech and I think this carried through to my adult life for sure - I'm obsessed with gadgets and as a fan of MKBHD's channel on Youtube, I can see how I've ended up doing what I love doing - making films, creating content and ultimately, working for a software company but I think over our lives, we end up following lots of paths, finding lots of loves and trying things out to get to a place we love.

// My First Love?

I fell into the Army, I was a victim of circumstance where I was between a children's home, a foster home and my mums house - it was a time of turmoil but the Army gave me structure.

From that structure came a situation where I was in the Falklands Islands when the twin towers went down in NYC - that was a weird experience but that's a different story - I'm digressing from the fact that I found my first love, the love of presenting when I was in the Falkland Islands. I presented radio for the British Forces Broadcasting Service (BFBS) - I was the weekend breakfast host and I eventually filled the drive time slot.

Now, we're talking a listenership of 1000's and not millions but the excitement, the thrill and the experience was all real - I was presenting radio and it set me up for a lifetime of being at the front.

I love standing up in front of people, I love being the 'centre of attention' because I enjoy holding the attention of others - not in a big headed way and possibly because I didn't get that much attention when I was younger (see above; children's home etc..) - it's about that command of attention to get heard and it so nice when you've got an audience to share that with.

The Army have me that experience and I chased it when I left - I worked at PowerFM (based in Segensworth near Fareham) for a short while before I ballsed it up.

// The Second Love

I ballsed it up thanks to my second love - I fell in love with socialising. I didn't have many friends at school, I left school early and joined the Army so I never really held a friendship group at home. Then with the Army being a transient thing, you never really hold down 'long term' friendships there either so going out, enjoying yourself and finding new people to meet with - that became the thing.

Alcohol helped with that - it helped me become 'social' and growing up in a tee-total home meant I didn't have a baseline to work from - I went ALL IN and meeting new people became a new found love.

I love walking into places where I don't know anyone, especially if the aim of the whole thing is to actually find a person to talk to and to make connections.

One of my most favourite things to do when I was in my early twenties (I think even in my late teens) was to chat to every single till operator in any shop I went into - I'd make small talk, learn a little fact about them and be super, ultra polite - just to make their day a little better but to also broaden my skills in talking to people I didn't know.

It's a safe bet - talking to someone who is there to 'serve' you - who can't get away because you're not going to lose. I still do it now, I make a little joke, make small talk about their day and almost always, wish them a good rest of their day - because it's about repitition, not skill.

I love talking to new people - I love talking to people I know so the more people I talk to, the better I feel.

// Kids

My children (as with everyone) give me immense joy - they are my life and being around them keeps me happy. I think every father would say something similar but I love hearing and seeing how their brains work as they grow older - from early childhood and refusing to say naughty words (and getting them to say them when mum's not listening) to seeing them blossom into young adults, there is always something fascinating going on in their heads and I love the thought processes.

When we grow up - we have to conform to a particular narrative. We have to listen to others, behave in a certain way and get paid. But kids, they push back - they question the norms and ask why (a lot) so that firstly, they can understand but also to question what you're saying is actually true.

We lose a lot of that when we grow up and being around my kids means I get to experience it more.

Having a 6 week old baby means I lose a lot of time just staring into a small set of eyes and thinking a lot and it's been over the last few weeks that I've started to question things a lot more in my head - what does make us happy? Why do we do things a certain way? What is it that makes us do certain things...

My third 'love' is obviously creativity - lived through the eyes of my children and being around them all the time allows me to live like that.

Being playful, being curious and being constantly creative are all things that kids do on repeat - even yesterday my kids were 'creating' by drawing and painting their favourite characters from a TV show - when was the last time you drew?

// Calmness

Finally - I think over the years, I've become calmer - I've learned to become comfortable with my place in the world and I have learned that having a calm, less intrusive lifestyle allows me to have the headspace to do all the things that I want to do - without the drama.

Being at home with my wife, kids and pets is the new 'clubbing' for me - I'd much rather spend my emotional energy on making sure that everyone I care about is safe and well that it's almost boring but that's what's important.

I watch and play A LOT of football - it's one sport that as I've gotten older, I have begun to really enjoy and I can only do this sport (and enjoy watching it) with a calm and supportive environment - it's a hectic sport, it's a sport which in the past has had a poor reputation with hooliganism and mayhem but it's one thing I can actually sit and watch with a beer in each half or play with some degree of enjoyment.

Having a family, playing football, being confident and being on stage - the four things that make me happy.

// A life full of loves (so far)

When I look back at all of this, it doesn’t feel like one straight line. It feels like a series of pulls in different directions which all became a part of me.

Tech.
Being heard.
People.
Kids.
Creativity.
Calm.

None of them cancelled the others out because they all just took turns at being louder. At school, I was the geek with big ideas and not much of a place and then when I joined the Army, I found structure and an audience. In my twenties, I found people and noise and the love of being the one who connected people but then I found a family.

And somewhere along the way, I found quiet.

What I’ve learned, and I’m still learning it - is that happiness isn’t one thing you “arrive” at - it's a culmination of lots of little things which go a long way to making you happy and you have to have a rotation of loves that shift depending on where you are and who you’re becoming.

Right now, mine looks like this: being present at home and creating things. I love standing up and speaking and I love kicking a football around and I'm having enough calm to enjoy all of it.

It’s not glamorous but it’s real and maybe that’s the point.

What are the loves you’re carrying right now?

And which ones have you quietly stopped making time for?