Make an Impact Without Being the Loudest in the Room

1/21/20258 min read

// The Setup

In the Bournemouth area, there has been uproar this week - with OnBuy (an online retailer) making the decision to leave the town and move to London - but you know what? I don't really care all that much. If OnBuy was a majority employer in the region then it might be an issue but they're not - it's just a way of gathering attention and pushing a narrative that the town is 'on it's knees' - this could not be further from the truth.

When the military decides to close a base and an entire town's infrastructure is built around supporting that military base, there is a definite problem - it's what has caused a major issue in places like Gosport or Arborfield (both had military bases which closed) but the towns do recover, they adapt and make changes to the infrastructure and then move on.

I'm diverting away from the point though.

The biggest thing which has been evident has been the commentary on the entire situation. Social media has been rife with people promising change and pledging to resurrect a town which is dying. It's been a deluge of pure and unadulterated drivel - people proclaiming that they are the saviour and that they are the one to lead the charge into the nearly 200,000 strong Bournemouth population.

Who are they?

// The Voices

The loudest voices in the room are normally the one's that don't need to be listened to.

Bold statement right?

But when I first joined a board of directors, I was taught by the MD to never be the first to speak - people will often (in a director led environment) mirror the opinion of the most senior in the room and therefore, never make a decision. Instead, he taught me to listen and observe, understand what the consensus is and then offer a different perspective so that everyone can make an informed decision based on all the talking points.

When you understand this and you see that, actually, if you're trying to be a leader - you quite often don't need to have an opinion, you just need to listen to the other leaders and amalgamate the opinions into one single narrative, then you don't need to be the loudest voice at all.

Of course, those who are making the most noise will proclaim that they are trying to take action and without their loud voice, there would be no action but change takes time and consistency - these people who proclaim that they are there for the 'good of the people' have an agenda, an agenda to be noticed and to be revered - but they certainly don't want to the leader. And they certainly won't be consistent.

Everyone I have taken note of over the last few years - those who declare that they are on some form of holy crusade for a particular cause have all made these statements, they have all set up steering groups or made an attempt at creating a community but 6-12 months later, they have been snapped away from their cause by something - whether that be a job or some other noble quest, their focus shifts and that once loud declaration of commitment falls away and they're not a part of the narrative anymore.

// The Evidence

There is a great book called Quiet by an author, Susan Cain all about the difference between an extrovert and an introvert - this is particularly apt as I can see this dividing line forming in your head, on one side we've got the bold and brash extrovert who is there to deliver on all those loud promises and on the other side, we've got the quiet introvert who (in my mind at least) isn't there to take action but instead, is there to watch.

The archetypal battle between these two is probably a cliche and in Susan's book, there isn't really a difference - introverts are more insightful and don't just blurt out words just so they can say something (which is where you think an extrovert might be stronger). This might mean that they say a little bit less and take longer to think about what to say, but when they do speak, they do it with power and confidence.

Some of the best people I know are those who take their time to deliver a message - they're not reactionary and they don't ride the emotional rollercoaster of trying to be the voice.


In her book - one of my favourite quotes is "There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” and this whole OnBuy situation reminds me of that.

Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you're right and just because you think you need to share it, doesn't mean people need to listen.

The same can be said for meetings, networking events or social gatherings - being the loudest voice in the room, whilst working in the short term isn't the best tactic in the long term.

Again, I'm sure you can cast your mind back to those people who have made a short term impression on you - those who have been the loudest voice or the one's who people want to talk to but how many of those people have any substance? How many of those people are just performing what they think is the role that people want to see?

// What to Do?

So, what’s the alternative? How can you create change, have a voice and be impactful without shouting from the rooftops?

The answer lies in using power of quiet influence.

Being impactful doesn’t mean being the centre of attention - it means being the person people look to for clarity, insight, and your opinion, when the noise gets overwhelming. It’s about deliberate action, not grand obtuse gestures which leave very little to the imagination.

Ok, but how?

// Meaningful Questioning

Whenever I've joined a job in a leadership role, I've never made an immediate 'snap' decision to create change - I've always led from a position of curiosity - I've always had the belief that if you want to connect with people and leave an impression, you have to stop trying to impress them with your own opinions and instead, ask them about theirs.

People love talking about themselves, and a something as simple as a thoughtful, open-ended question can unlock an entire conversation which may not have even been a consideration.

For example, try something like, “What inspired you to take this approach?”

This one question does two things: it shows that you’re genuinely interested, and it sparks a dialogue that’s about them, not you. It's powerful in leadership positions but it's also amazing at unlocking the truth behind that potential clients mindset - why did they go down a particular route?

That’s where connections start - by showing curiosity instead of broadcasting your own agenda.

// Use your f*cking ears.

It’s incredibly rare for someone to truly listen to you anymore - I've lost count in the number of times that I've been in a networking meeting and the person I'm speaking to spouts all their sales pitch to me and then when it's my turn to ask questions, they're looking over my shoulder to check who the next victim is.

Most people are busy preparing their response instead of absorbing what’s being said and it leads towards a vacant response at best - if you never truly listen to someone's answer, you'll never get to the root of an opinion or really understand.

If you want to stand out quietly, listen deeply because you'll be completely different to those around you.

Let the other person’s words land.

Nod.

Give them space to continue, and really get to their perspective with more questions - like, “That’s interesting - tell me more.”

You don’t need to fill every silence with your thoughts or the next question. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present.

// Be Empathetic

Just as recently as last Friday, my son was completing his English homework and despite the fact that he'd been copying the words directly from his English coursework book (that's a whole other story) - the subject he'd been writing about was 'Empathy'.

It was described in his homework as 'the ability to understand and share the feelings of another' - my son wasn't able to understand, nor share my feelings of frustration as he repeatedly copied down words that he'd never use in his vocabulary and so the irony of writing about empathy was lost on him.

But being empathetic in your world is enormously powerful.

Empathy doesn’t mean just agreeing with someone (which is what my son was trying to do on Friday) - it means understanding where they’re coming from and sharing those feelings.

When someone shares a challenge (or a frustration), acknowledge their feelings. If my son has simply said “I can see why you feel that way” then it would have probably diffused that tension and it would have shown that he was actually listening to me instead of staring over my shoulder at the engrossing game of FIFA that he wanted to join instead of doing his homework.

Empathy has a quiet strength; it connects people on a level far deeper than words alone.

// Read the room.

This is what I wanted to see on social media in the wake of the OnBuy fiasco - In any group, whether it’s a meeting, a social event, there is always more happening than what’s being said out loud.

You have to pay attention to the dynamics - who’s talking the most, who’s staying quiet, and where the real decisions are being made. As I said before the loudest person isn’t always the most influential; it’s often the one who speaks last, or the one who supports others without making a big deal of it.


No-one who voiced their opinion on social media had anything of note to actually say and all those people were doing was showing to the rest of the world that they had an opinion. They had made up their mind, they had taken in the (limited) facts and they had formed their perspective - they were ready for people to know exactly where they were at and they were not afraid to share it.

By observing before acting, you can find ways to contribute that are subtle but meaningful - like supporting someone whose voice is being overlooked or bringing up an idea that’s been lost in the kerfuffle.

One of my favourite things to do in either social settings or in a work environment is to hone in on the quietest in the room and give them a voice - whether they are stood alone and waiting to find their group or whether they haven't voiced an opinion recently - asking them to join in directly or asking for their opinion is my way of dragging them along.

Make them feel included.

// Lead by Example

At the end of the day, it’s not what you say but what you do that matters most.

Those people who are shouting from the rooftops - they could be full of hot-air. They could be making all the right noises. They could be serving a different agenda.

If you actually want to inspire others - Show them how it’s done.

Be the one who turns up prepared, follows through on commitments, and treats people with respect.

Being consistent and not just being loud for 6 months about a particular cause on social media builds trust, and trust is the foundation of real influence.

You don’t need to declare your intentions or make a big show of your actions - just do the work, quietly and competently and the influence will build.

People notice integrity, even if it’s not shouted from the rooftops.

The reality is, making an impact isn’t about making noise - it’s about making a difference.

When you focus on connecting, listening, and leading with intention, you’ll find that your quiet influence speaks louder than words ever could.

Oh, and I still don't give a shit that OnBuy left Bournemouth - at most they would have employed 150 people (out of over 200,000) - there is plenty happening in Bournemouth, just ask.