My Sweet Spot

// The Sweet Spot

Last week I hosted a funding event for Yammayap.

We’d been preparing for weeks - getting the right mix of people in the room, setting up the panel, making sure the flow made sense - it's actually more work than it seems to get an event 'right' and on the day, I was the one holding the mic.

I’ve done plenty of speaking before - workshops, pitches, presentations - but this felt different. I wasn’t standing up there to convince anyone. I was standing there to connect them and to allow others to shine.

And that small difference changed everything for me, because I’ve noticed something about myself.

When I’m in a room full of people who don’t know me, and the goal is to “win them over,” there is a different kind of energy - I don't ever get nervous, you could throw me on stage at Wembley and I'd still run on with energy and not feel an ounce of 'nerves'. But when I have to do an event where I'm not in control, I can feel my whole body tense and my energy gets tighter.

My sentences shorten. I start listening less and planning more - thinking ahead to what I need to say next, what might land, what might not - I don't think it lands as well as it did last week.

It’s like trying to have a conversation while also holding your breath.

But in this room, something shifted.

// The Room

Before I even said a word, I could sense it - there was a small moment where we thought that we wouldn't get the attendees, the parking was a little busy, the directions weren't all that clear but as we approached the start time and there was a slow drip of people, I could already feel they were engaged, curious & willing.

They weren’t there to be sold to.

They were there because they cared about the same things we did - good ideas, smart funding, and the way that we've brought it all together - these were all people with a common plan, a common interest and they had already bought into the idea by booking their ticket - we had very little drop outs and those that did, had spoken to us before.

This type of room feels safe. Not because it’s easy, but because everyone’s already facing the same direction and they're there for the same reason.

I didn’t have to push and I didn’t have to pretend.

All I had to do was bring people together, listen carefully, and ask questions that moved the conversation somewhere interesting - the onus on delivering 'value' was on the speakers - but they weren't pitching to the crowd either, they were just signposting the value that was there and the whole 'sales' feeling was out of the room and that’s when I realised: this is the space I work best in.

Rich said it to me yesterday, he told me how the event ran in a very similar way to the events we run for You Are the Media - bringing people together for a common cause and honestly, why try to fix it if it isn't broke.

The whole room was like my playground and I didn't have to work hard - Not in persuasion. Not in performance. I was present.

// The Shift

I've said this before but when I’m hosting, I’m not the star of the show - I’m the thread that ties it all together, and that suits me because I have time to think - maybe it's the sales background and the fact that I am 'quite good' at passive listening - I can listen without the need to respond and I can hear my own thoughts to plan the next stage - I could actually hear what people were saying, I could follow threads and build on them in real time.

I wasn’t reaching for clever lines or prepped answers - I wasn't thinking about making sure the audience was engaged because that was the the job of the speakers - I was simply responding — letting curiosity lead instead of control and I don't have to try hard at being curious.

There’s a strange kind of freedom that comes with that - thinking about the things the audience might want to know about and asking the questions normally.

But the difference is I suppose it that when you stop trying to own the moment, you get to actually be in it.

I’ve always known I enjoy deep conversation more than small talk, but last week put language to something deeper - I’m at my best when I’m not trying to make something happen - just helping something happen.

// The Lesson

Afterwards, a few people came up to me to say how comfortable I looked up there - Rich said it too and I constantly seek his validation (thats a joke for the uneducated) but he did tell me " That worked so much better in that scenario - you were more comfortable in that space"..

It made me smile - because that’s not always the case.

There are plenty of times I’ve been the opposite of comfortable. Standing in rooms where I don’t know the context, or the audience, or even if what I’m saying is landing - trying to read a hundred unspoken signals while still keeping my presentation together.

It’s exhausting and mentally, it can be tough.

And yes, I can do it - we all can - but it costs something - the focus is all on you and your delivery, the way you speak, the words you say and that pressure, whilst exhilarating, is tiring.

Hosting last week didn’t drain me - it filled me - on the drive back to the office, I sat in the back with a calm kind of energy - not the buzz of performance, but the satisfaction of alignment and I have to say, all I did was thread everything together and make it all work - it really helped that I had a completely capable team of support putting the slides together, making sure the teas and coffees were on hand, laying out all the leaflets and more importantly, taking photos and videos of the event.

I was happy that we managed to pull it all off and the resounding opinion on our side of the fence was that we did something good - thats why I was happy.

// The Reflection

It made me think about how often we mistake discomfort for growth, we tell ourselves, “If this feels awkward, it must mean I’m learning.” - I've even got a hoodie which says "Your comfort zone will kill you" - sometimes that’s true. But sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes, discomfort just means we’re playing a role that doesn’t belong to us and it's ok to find a space which is more comfortable.

Sometimes, we’re stretching, yes - but stretching away from who we are, not into it - just because I can do a talk in front of people I don't know and pitch a product/service, might not mean that I should (I definitely should but please bear with me, I'm talking in metaphors).

I’ve been doing this for years because I've had to be the confident salesperson, the bold speaker, the one who could walk into any room and own it but maybe what I actually bring to the table is something quieter - the ability to create space where other people open up.

It’s not as flashy. It’s not as measurable. But it’s human and I quite like that.

And that’s what I want to keep building from - that space where being yourself and showing up for others is important.

// The Lesson

Maybe you’ve got your own version of that 'sweet spot' - the kind of work that doesn’t feel like work - where your head and your heart aren’t at war, where you're working in the moments where you’re not performing or proving, just being.

It’s easy to overlook those spaces because they don’t look like ambition and they don’t always look like “success.” but they’re often where the most meaningful stuff happens - like last week - it might have felt and looked easy, but that's because it was and that's what I mean by a 'sweet spot'.

So, here’s my thought, kind of like Jerry's final thought but it's mine, not Jerry's...

What would happen if you built more of your world around the settings where you feel most like yourself?

What might open up if you stopped chasing the roles that drain you, and started leaning into the ones that light you up?

Because sometimes, the goal isn’t to change who you are to fit the room. It’s to find - or build - the room that already fits you doing the things that make you feel comfortable and excited all at the same time.