Restarting is harder

5 min read

// I’ve been procrastinating.

We’re nearly through August - the month seems to be flying by and over the last month, I’ve been promising to myself (and others) that I’m going to kick start my Instagram feed again and restart posting.

But it hasn’t happened and I’m going to be honest, it’s proving to be a real struggle.

I’ve got a new camera and I want to create content but again, I’m procrastinating as I know the work is going to need effort and I feel lacklustre in my performance behind the camera.

Restarting these projects or ideas feels more challenging than starting from scratch because i’m being forced to focus on the previous experiences and it doesnt have the fresh excitement of starting something new.

Restarting something - restarting my Instagram and my video content is forcing me to confront past failures, the lost momentum, and the emotional baggage. I’ve burned out, I’ve made mistakes and the fear of repeating mistakes, coupled with the pressure to succeed this time around, is making the thought of restarting more daunting and I’m finding its taking a lot more effort than I originally envisioned.

// The baggage.

Every time I think of getting started, I start to think of the effort thats going to have to be put into it again in order to create enough posts and enough content so that it doesn’t drop off. I know the effort that goes into my newsletter and I know how, sometimes, I need to start super early on a Tuesday to get the article written so needing to post everyday on Instagram just scares me.

When I first started posting on Instagram, I was excited and I had the enthusiasm of a tiny puppy, rushing around and finding things which were new and the thrill of experimentation was pushing me to create bigger and better posts and I’ve spoken before about the subsequent burn out and the drop off in regular posting.

The energy drop was crazy - I just didn’t feel like doing anything and the pressure to succeed is actually greater this time around.

You see, I know what I need to do and I know how to actually do it and in my mind, people will judge me on the content I’ve created before - the level of it, the standard I put out and what I’ve done before.

I know this isn’t the reality as a lot of my posts were from 2021 and actually no one cares but I want to deliver a specific standard and the hesitation that this internal pressure causes means I’m stopping from actually starting.

It’s crazy as I’m typing this as I know that sounds mental.

// What I want.

I want to do things ‘right’ this time.

It’s quite difficult to define what ‘right’ is but I can easily define what isn't right.

I don’t want to start something and then not continue with it after a small period of time, I don’t want to not be prepared and I don’t want to fail in my goals.

The thing is, the more I focus on what I don’t want to do, the less I focus on what I want to do and it becomes this vicious cycle of failure.

I’m focusing on past mistakes and I’m becoming overly concerned with every detail - I just don’t want to fail again.

This blog is more of a therapy session for myself and I know that it might appear rambling as I try and work out what I’m actually trying to do and I realise that this intense need for perfection is only causing me to delay taking action because I’m waiting for the "perfect" conditions or until I feel fully prepared.

I’m actually sharing this with you because I’m guessing that you might have felt the same before.

Unfortunately, this perfectionism often leads to inaction, as the fear of not meeting my stupidly high expectations paralyzes any progress I could be making.

// Consumption over creation.

In my downtime from creating, I've noticed a pattern: I consume tons of content, get inspired, and then... keep looking for more inspiration instead of actually doing something with it.

It's a cycle I need to break. I need to shift my focus from consuming content to creating it.

It's easy to get lost in the endless loop of inspiration and planning. But I know that real progress only happens when I take action and by prioritizing creation, I'll transform those ideas into something tangible, not just possibilities.

This means setting boundaries on how much content I consume and dedicating more time to the actual process of making and doing. My new mantra is to create consistently, even if it’s imperfect. I need to embrace the act of creation itself,because that’s what truly leads to growth and fulfillment.

The content I consume definitely fuels my inspiration, but there has to be a clear line between consumption and creation. It's time to stop dreaming and start building.

// We’re in it together.

If you're reading this and nodding along, know that you're not alone. We all get caught in these cycles sometimes and we just have to stop it and get out of out lane.

I’ve written before about the importance of actually getting started but what I’m finding is that even if you have started, then stopped - it’s even harder to get restarted.

The ‘restart’ is the difficult thing - the pressure to not fail again, the overthinking of the creation process and then add to that the previous thoughts of actually starting and thats whats affecting me now.

I’m sure some of you have started something, taken a sabbatical or a break and then lost the will or the resolve to actually restart - then it becomes increasingly more difficult to get going again.

I’m in that space, I need to get out of it and I wanted to share this with you because I want you to know that you’re not alone. The social media spaces that I am subscribed to and the people that I follow are all great but it definitely gives me a sense of ‘failure’ as I’m not keeping up.

I aspire to be a lot of things, a good dad, a successful business man, financially independent and a bold (yet humble) creator - all of these things are a tightrope to co-exist within and to be good at and when it feels like a plate is dropping, the first thing to go is the content creation.