The Art of the Cut

// The Choice

This weekend, Tina and I went to our local Asda (high brow I know) but our mission was simple - it was Valentines Day and we needed to cook steak, with some red wine and some sides.

It was a nice moment as we'd not really been out with Autumn (our newborn) as a couple with her and we'd certainly not entertained a 'shop' - that was a new novel experience.

Anyway, I digress - steak is a unique option as within the label of a steak, there are multiple differing opinions on which steak is the best. Now, I've eaten steak in many countries (little nod to Anthonys Steakhouse in Houston - it's the best steak I've ever eaten) and the go-to steak has to be some form of fillet steak.

But there are many other suitable options - our choices in the aisle of an Asda at 3pm on a Saturday were somewhat limited and we had the option to choose from Sirloin, Rump or Fillet.

There are two factors when choosing a steak - price and weight.

When making the choice on Saturday night - the only factor was my stomach and what I wanted - weight and price didn't come into it.

Tina however, she wanted something 'affordable' but also delicious.

There was a chap next to us in the aisle who was rooting (and when I say rooting, I mean physically picking up armfuls of packaged steak and then sifting through them, placing each one he didn't want back - he was playing his own mental game of Top Trumps Steak until he was left with a few to choose from.

We were much more considered - Tina doesn't like much fat on hers, whilst I do - I like to have the steak quite thick, whereas Tina isn't overly bothered - we didn't however stretch to the armfuls of steak like the chap next to us.

You may be wondering why I'm banging on about steak and the options presented to us on Saturday night - well, my friends - all is about to become clear.

You see - we weren't struggling to choose in Asda because the options were bad because every steak we handled was a viable option but when everything becomes a potential option, then it becomes harder to choose. That's when you need to decide what to cut.

// The Cut

Tina opted for a sirloin - a less fatty version of the option I would have plucked for (and I did take a sirloin too) but then I saw another small steak hiding under the mountain of discarded steaks - a small cut of fillet, so I took that too. It was a Valentines meal after all.

The thing is - the choice was there, I could have had either fillet or sirloin but I opted for both, whereas Tina only had sirloin.

We both had choice. We both had the power to choose - I just took both.

The thing is, when you have the power to choose, whether thats a role, a business, a partnership or even something as small as a project you're working on, you still get to decide the boundaries of whatever you're doing.

I distinctly remember a conversation in the early days of joining Yammayap and having the conversations around what I wanted to continue to do 'outside' of work - that being the You Are the Media lunch clubs and this newsletter (the last place didn't really like me sending a newsletter for some reason) - but I was the architect (or the butcher if you want to continue with the meat analogy) of my choices.

I also made the choice to leave my job at SAFI and step into a more creative role as that was where I wanted to head - I was deciding the boundaries of what I was trying to do with my career.

The thing is, my choices weren't (and still aren't) about what I can take, they are also about what I can remove - you're constantly able to trim expectations, trim your own ego and trim your own identity (even more so now with social media) until you're able to fit in a place which allows you to be in a place of happiness.

It's very much like the cow from which your steak comes from - some prefer sirloin whilst some prefer fillet - we're all trimming from the same cow of opportunity (I never thought I'd ever write those words in a blog).

// The Fear

Trimming, cutting and removing - they all feel like negative words - they all conjure up the negative sense of negatively or excessively cutting things away. It can almost feel like you're wasting an opportunity or throwing away effort that you've put into something or even worse, that you're ungrateful for an opportunity but I think you need to lean into that discomfort.

The whole 'leaving SAFI' saga two years ago, the myriad of business ideas I have which never amount to anything or the businesses which I've had to close down - they are all examples of trimming away the fat - all still twinged with a sense of 'what if' - the constant second guessing of your choices but these are all choices which make us human.

I am reading a wonderful book at the moment called 'The Negativity Fast' by Anthony Iannarino - the opening chapter talks about the fact that many human emotions (in fact pretty much all of them bar one or two) are negative - anger, jealousy, envy - these are all negative emotions but happiness is the overriding one which doesn't really get a look in.

But making choices - whilst they may seem negative and counterintuitive on the outside - are actually for the greater good and for your own happiness.

Agency is a word which I wouldn't ordinarily use in day to day conversation but I think as a written word - when you say that someone has agency over their choices - that conjures up a different sense of responsibility and entitlement - in a positive sense.

Having agency is a privilege and yes, whilst the choices we make do lead to fear or negative outcomes - the very fact that you have that agency - that ability to choose - that's where you should derive your happiness.

// The Cow

If I’m honest, I haven’t always been good at trimming because there have been seasons where I’ve tried to carry the whole cow.

Taking on every opportunity, carrying every single title I could and continuing trying to be every version of myself that once made sense - I’ve also held onto roles because they looked good on paper.

I’ve clung to ideas because I’d already invested time, money, energy - and there’s something deeply uncomfortable about admitting that something you once believed in… no longer fits. Just like the time I closed down 'SalesChange' or stopped 'Let Them Hate' - the clothing brand which didn't really make a sale.

I’ve trimmed the identity of “corporate operator” more than once - it's an identity which I was once ashamed to have been - Mr Corporate, posting online in the company tone - being that guy.

There was also a time where the next logical step was clear - the corporate ladder is one which has no real end unless you're Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos - you are constantly chasing the bigger title, the bigger package with more responsibility. It made sense, It was safe and it felt like it was respected.

And yet, something in me wanted something different.

Over time though - I trimmed the need to look impressive, I've trimmed the idea that progression only moves in one direction. I cut away relationships with projects that were good… but not right.

And every trim came with that little voice: "What if you regret this?"

That voice never fully goes away but it still pops up whenever I close a door - thats the human element.

But something I've learned is that - holding onto everything doesn’t make you ambitious.. it makes you heavy.

// The Positives

When you trim deliberately, something interesting happens - you start to realise that what remains starts to feel chosen.

Your live begins to not feel accidental - it feels intentional

The work I do now - across Yammayap, Let Them Create, this newsletter - isn’t perfect and it’s not the most obvious path - I'm also acutely aware that it's definitely not the simplest path but I've had agency in getting me here - it feels like I’ve shaped it.

I haven’t taken everything available, I can say with almost total certainty that I haven’t maximised every option becuase I haven’t played Top Trumps with my career in the Asda aisle of life.

I’ve selected. I’ve cut and I’ve left things behind.

And what’s left on the plate feels like mine, not because it’s the most expensive cut, not because it’s the thickest but because I chose it - I selected the cut and its mine - just like those TWO steaks I had on Saturday night (*note, I shared the fillet steak with Tina - we had 1.5 steaks together)

Ultimately though - In my life, I have the satisfaction of ownership and maybe that’s the point.

We spend so much time asking what we can add, what else can I do, what other opportunities can I get involved with? We're constantly searching for the opportunity to become something else - what else could we become?

I'm a little tired of that quest - I'm quite happy looking at the opposite side - What can I remove?

What can I trim so that my steak is the best it can be and it tasty, just for me.