The Birthday List
// The Intro
I turned 45 last week and, honestly, it hit me in a way that birthdays usually don’t. It didn't feel like a crisis, not like a revelation - more like a quiet knock on the door and a voice saying, “Matt… are you actually doing the things you keep saying you want to do?”
And I didn’t have a good answer.
So for the last week, I've sat with my notes app on my phone, at various points - kids asleep, dark lounge, early in the morning and started writing a list. Now this is not a bucket list as I don't plan on going anywhere soon and it's not some kind of macho “prove yourself” list.
It's just a list of forty-five things I want to feel, attempt, taste, fail at, complete, experience, or simply try… in my forty-fifth year on this planet.
Some of them are big.
Some are ridiculously hard.
Some are embarrassingly simple.
And a few scare the life out of me.
But that’s kind of the point.
This list isn’t about achievement - it’s about being and feeling alive and having experiences that I can chase and it’s about remembering I’m here - still changing, still experimenting, still starting over.
// The Rules
I started this list by thinking about all the things that I want to try to achieve and then removing all the things I felt were negative - But before I show you the list, there’s something I want to say out loud - mostly to myself.
I didn’t want this to be a list of punishments.
You know what I mean: cut this out, stop doing that, finally grow up and be sensible.
I’ve written those before and they always end the same way - me feeling like I’m trying to wrestle myself into a smaller version of who I already am or restricting my life experiences by not allowing myself to do something.
This time, I wanted everything on the page to be a positive action.
Something I could move towards, not run away from so everything becomes more of a choice, not a restriction.
Because I’ve realised that change doesn’t happen when I tell myself off - It happens when I give myself something worth stepping into - every single one of these actions is a 'thing' that I can actually do or focus on.
So every item you’re about to read - even the ones that look like discipline - is really an invitation to live a little wider, a little braver, a little more awake.
// The List
[ ] 1. Have a healthy daughter
[ ] 2. Do a TED Talk
[ ] 3. Make £10k in a single calendar month
[ ] 4. Score a goal in an 11-aside match
[ ] 5. Release a song I've written and performed.
[ ] 6. Meet Casey Neistat
[ ] 7. Complete an Ironman
[ ] 8. Run a marathon
[ ] 9. Get MOTM at Meetball on a Thursday night
[ ] 10. Lose 20kg in weight
[ ] 11. Learn to play a song on the guitar
[ ] 12. Bake a cake from scratch
[ ] 13. Watch a sunset at Old Harry Rocks
[ ] 14. Watch a sunrise at Corfe Castle
[ ] 15. Complete two calendar months without alcohol
[ ] 16. Continue my daily icebaths to reach 500 consecutive ice baths.
[ ] 17. Build something from wood I can keep/use
[ ] 18. Visit a museum I’ve never been to (Poole Museum doesn't count)
[ ] 19. Sleep under the stars
[ ] 20. Do a charity 5K
[ ] 21. Plant a tree (imagine that tree in 15 years time!)
[ ] 22. Run 100 miles total in a month
[ ] 23. Record a day-in-the-life vlog (again)
[ ] 24. Go on a sunrise walk once a week for a month
[ ] 25. Create a digital product and charge for it
[ ] 26. Buy a stranger a coffee to strike up a conversation.
[ ] 27. Learn to do 10 full pushups
[ ] 28. Learn to do 10 full pull-ups
[ ] 29. Do a proper stretching routine for 30 days
[ ] 30. Host a small creative workshop for people (an intimate event)
[ ] 31. Write a poem and share it with someone.
[ ] 32. Take Tina on a surprise weekend away.
[ ] 33. Create a vision board for the next 5 years.
[ ] 34. Complete a 7-day social media detox just once.
[ ] 35. Read a biography of someone I admire - TBC
[ ] 36. Do a completely random act of kindness
[ ] 37. Write a children's story and publish it.
[ ] 38. Make a personal documentary about my life right now
[ ] 39. Go to a farmers’ market and cook a meal only from what I buy
[ ] 40. Take a photo at the same place every month.
[ ] 41. Go kayaking or paddleboarding either at sunset or sunrise.
[ ] 42. Make a piece of art and frame it
[ ] 43. Run 5K under 30 minutes
[ ] 44. Spend £0 on takeaways for a full month
[ ] 45. The Clique readers choice.....
// The Way I'll Do It
I’m not writing this list to bury it in a notebook and forget it exists - it's not something that I want to put time and effort into compiling and then leave to drift away because I’ve done that before - I've made promises to myself and then just not bothered doing anything about it but if daily ice baths and a focus on being consistent with this newsletter has taught me anything - it's that I can be accountable.
This year, I want the list in my pocket - literally.
It’s going on my phone Notes app so I can see it, tap it, tick things off, add little notes next to the moments that feel bigger than I expected and then I get to share those moments with you guys and be accountable - I want those things I have to do to nudge me when I start slipping back into old habits or autopilot routines.
And I’m putting the whole thing on a Notion board - publicly - so you can follow along, cheer, question, judge, laugh and ultimately, see how far I've got and what those experiences are - you can see it all.
Not because I need the accountability (I think I'll handle that part), but because it feels honest to show the messy middle instead of pretending everything is perfectly handled behind the scenes and if I don't complete things for a while, I can keep referring back to it (and so can you).
I’ll share the progress in the newsletter too - Every week, I'll make sure there is a link to the Notion board and a running total on how much I've completed of my 'quest' so you can play along with the wins, the failures, the things I thought would be easy and turned into emotional wrestling matches.
I think I'm looking forward to the tiny victories that no one else would care about but it'll matter to me.
It just feels right to let this year be lived out loud.
Not loud like shouting - loud like choosing to show up
// The Outro
I don’t know how many of these forty-five I’ll actually complete - Maybe all of them, maybe half or maybe I’ll get lost somewhere in the middle and find something better I never planned for.
But that’s the point of this year for me - not perfection, not performance… just participation and having a goal.
A year where I choose to be awake to my own life, instead of drifting through it on autopilot and calling that ambition.
When I look back at this list next year, I hope it reads like a map of small attempts - proof that I tried and actually did some stuff, that I cared, that I said yes to things instead of quietly shelving them for “another time.”
Even if some of them fall apart or even if I fall apart a little with them.
I think we all feel that same pull, that we're not doing enough and it's likely that you're feeling that same pull - that itch to lift your life up and move it a few inches in a new direction - just with one small thing you actually want to try but never have?
So here’s my last question before you go:
What would you put on your own list this year?
