The Power of Connection

// In a rut.

This weekend I went away to a cute little AirBnb with my wife to celebrate our third wedding anniversary. It was perfect for two reasons - the first was that we got to spend time away from the kids and any of you parents out there who are starting to feel the bite of the summer holidays and the relentless utterings of ‘I’m bored…’ will fully understand.

The second reason was that we were able to catch up - like really catch up because it’s been a long few months in the King household - we’re in the summer holidays (as I’ve mentioned) and then we’ve had the end of school, changing jobs (for both me and Tina), broken bones (thats mainly me) and it’s just been a full on time with competing interests.

We’ve been pushing hard together to make the household ‘work’ and whilst we’ve both been pulling in the same direction, quite often it can feel like we’re fighting separate battles to win the same war.

We were winning that ‘war’ but we were just running at life a little too hard I think.

// Catching Up.

Life constantly changes and as parents, you’re in a constant cycle of adaption - as your kids grow older, they take so much more of your available time as you can’t just put them to bed to give yourself 5 mins of peace and whilst I would never wish for anything other than healthy children but that definitely reduces your time with partner.

We’ve experienced this over the last few months as evenings of chat, a glass of wine and a meal are now slipping into nights of chats about teenage friends and shopping ideas on mobile phones.

This is why this weekend was so important - we spent two hours driving to Bath before wandering the shops for several hours but we spent very little - in fact, we bought one solitary item in TK Maxx.

Our key activity for 3-4 hours was to chat, listen and take everything in (well, thats what I did).

It was nice to hear my wife talk about things going on with her for a change without seventy interruptions and it was good to let her know what’s happening in my life without the need to make a drink or feed anyone.

Yes, we get time to talk in the day and yes, we get to catch up when we’re home but this one to one time was invaluable.

// Connection.

What we discovered this weekend was that my wife didn’t really like the direction her career is going and that she’d lost her way a little - you see, she has moved into an admin role as a part time job and for most of her life, she has been self employed - whether thats as a beauty therapist/nail technician or more recently, creating the most incredible wax melts (www.mkmelts.com) but she has always done something creatively and sitting in front of a computer was seriously stifling that creativity and she didn’t like it anymore.

Of course, as I mentioned earlier, when you’re both in a battle and you’re both trying to do your best to win a ‘war’ then you go about your business and you think you’re doing the best you both can to do the best for the greater good but what if, just what if, you’re going to make yourself unhappy doing it?

I spoke about this a few months back when I quit my job - I was being pushed in a direction that make me unhappy and yes, you can keep going for a little while and you can easily burn out and then end up resenting the choices you make.

I don’t want this for Tina and I want her to enjoy her career as much as I enjoy mine - we’re only here for a finite amount of time and working in front of a computer every day when your heart desires more is a sure fire way to being bored, depressed and unfulfilled.

This was the breakthrough - we talked about our choices and what we’re doing together to make our family better, make sure we both have enough money, energy and ultimately that we’re both fulfilled.

// Other Ways

Working alone is hard and I understand that you can quite often feel like you’re pushing yourself and the phrase of ‘living to work’ instead of ‘working to live’ is so apt because you end up boxing yourself into a position and the life of work becomes a habit, not a privilege.

I love working with other creative people (which is why I changed jobs) because I love the sparks and thought processes - the creative way people think about problems is where I feel most at home and it’s why, when I sit with the team at Yammayap or spend time with the crew at You are The Media, it feels like everything just clicks.

Being around like minded people is important - you get to exercise your thought processes in a friendly and supportive place - the exact same as being with my wife this weekend. It’s also why I like spending an evening round my friend Mark Masters house - talking about how tweaking certain things, making changes to socials and blogs can return so much more.

The way experiments are formed and ideas are sparked from sharing your perspective and your thought process in a way that your friends know and understand is so important.

Being around people who ‘get it’ is so crucial. When you're surrounded by people who understand your goals, challenges, and passions, you experience a kind of validation that's hard to find elsewhere.

These connections provide a unique blend of encouragement and constructive criticism that helps you grow both personally and professionally.

//Reflection

I think what I’m trying to say is that after a weekend of deep conversations and connection, it's crucial to reflect on the things you’ve discussed and opened up about.

Its important to listen and lean into the areas you’ve spoken about to your friends/peers and really take the time to think about the direction you’re taking. Being around people who support you and those who have your best interests at heart is important but you should never solely rely on advice to guide you - the importance of taking space and time to gather exactly what you want is just as important.

I’ve never really been one to listen to too much advice as I tend to know where I want to go but having this space to reflect allows you have confidence in making better decisions and it also reinforces the importance of being open with your communication.

I think that being able to discuss and process these conversations is vital for personal growth. It's not just about hearing what others have to say, but also about understanding how their perspectives align or contrast with your own beliefs and aspirations.

Taking the time to reflect ensures that you're not just reacting to external influences, but making choices that are truly in line with your own values and goals.

// Individual Needs

Navigating the delicate balance between individuality and togetherness in a relationship can be challenging but it’s incredibly rewarding.

It's so important to think about the unique paths that you can take, while also thinking about the shared journey.

This weekends getaway reminded me of how crucial it is to maintain our own identities even as we build a life together because Tina's realization about her career path has again, reminded me of the importance in pursuing your personal passions and not losing sight of who we are.

Being married doesn't mean we have to sacrifice our personal goals and desires.

Instead, it offers a platform where we can support each other in becoming our best selves and I feel like that after this weekend..

Just as I’ve rediscovered my joy for creative work with my new job, Tina deserves the same in whatever career choice she chooses and it’s this mutual respect for each other's individuality that allows us to thrive.

It’s important though that we carve out time for shared experiences even while we each pursue our separate interests.

It’s also reminded me that we also need to prioritize moments of togetherness - whether it's a quiet dinner, a shared trip, or just spending time listening to each other - these moments help us reconnect and remind us of the common values and dreams we hold.

In the end, balancing our own needs with togetherness is about creating a rhythm where both of us can grow independently while we still work as a team.