The Role of a Nemesis

// Its always been this way.

A nemesis can be described by ChatGPT as “someone who embodies a deeper, more personal rivalry than a simple competitor or adversary” and throughout my life, I’ve always been wired to find them.

I can’t quite place the origin story but if I was to make a guess it was Paul in Year 8 - he was the first nemesis.

I was at school in London - I went to two secondary schools - the first being Eltham Green school in London (and then I moved ‘home’ to Portsmouth and went to a different school) and every break time and lunch time, we’d play ‘Wall Ball’ which was essentially squash with a tennis ball and you’d use your hands as racquets.

Paul was a scrawny kid, longer hair than me and nimble. Frustratingly nimble as he was the only one who could beat me at wall ball.

We’d play for days on end, totting up the scores and repeatedly beating each other but each week, he'‘d come out on top.

I was obsessed - I’d make sure I was wearing the right trainers, wear my loose shirt for extra agility and always have a fresh new tennis ball - just to make sure the bounce was right and I’d quite often fall asleep thinking about ‘moves’ at wall ball to beat him.

But the point is - even 30 years later - it still grinds me that he could beat me.

// It’s evolves.

It does become an obsession - I focus too much on beating these people and in the early days, they are direct influences on my life. The next big nemesis was Kev Brown - he was the same rank as me and we were serving together in the Falkland Islands.

This was in 2001 (so we’re talking over 20 years ago) and to pass our time, we’d play a lot of Command & Conquer on linked up Playstation 2’s and probably even worse, we’d play a lot of poker for money.

I was still in my ‘timid’ and not really forthright with my opinions era and I think (I know) I was taken advantage of - we’d play Command & Conquer for money, we’d play poker for money and I came home from the Falklands with not a lot of money in my bank account.

Kev Brown would use cheat codes to get himself nuclear warheads on Command & Conquer (I only realise this now) and he’d always have the winning hand in poker.. I’m sure he was in cahoots with the others just to get more money..

But Kev Brown was my nemesis - I wanted to beat him but when I failed to beat him at either of these activities, I focused on other things to beat him at.

I wanted to get promoted faster than him (which I did).

I wanted a newer car than him (never did happen) but the thing is, I was beginning to want to beat my nemesis (self picked) at anything and thats where it spiralled.

// He never knew.

What happens next - when you finally beat your nemesis?

You create a new one and for a while, I went without a nemesis but slowly but surely, the urge to find someone to beat resurfaces and one that immediately springs to mind was from not long ago.

At the end of 2019, I got involved with the team at Podcast Labs - they originally had a small studio in Bournemouth which they launched from and to launch their business, they created a competition - if you entered, you’d get a full season of a podcast which would be edited and promoted by them.

I entered but failed to win.

But the win wasn’t a failure - I started the podcast anyway and I was excited to get building.

The thing is - I then started looking at others who were making their podcasts and thats when I stumbled across Warren Munson of Evolve and his podcast, Evolve to Succeed.

Now, I want to say upfront that I’ve never met Warren and everything I know about him, he’s a down to earth and very likeable chap but I needed a nemesis and Warren was it. (sorry warren.)

He become my obsession and my podcast needed to outperform his at any cost.

// Tracking the Unknown

To this day, I track the Evolve to Succeed podcast - I very rarely listen to the actual show (even though it is saved as one of my ‘subscribed’ podcasts but I track, using a web service, how many listens each episode they get and how it charts. This all started when I launched my podcast as I wanted to hit the top 10 in the categories I launched in and crazily, I did but I was obsessed with how my podcast performed against his.

Now, Warrens podcast has outlasted mine - he has had some amazing guests but his podcast and he, as a person pushed me to be better and perform better.

As with every nemesis that I’ve had, its pushed me and forced me to step outside my comfort zone and especially with the podcast, I had to think creatively.

Warren has a very successful business to fund his podcast and he is a very successful businessman so it’s also aspirational in some way - when you’re up against someone who consistently looks to outperform you (even if they don’t know it) then you have to explore new ideas, experiment with different approaches and make you take risks.

I have always wanted to outperform my nemesis and to differentiate or exceed their performance, I’ve always had to increase my own - when they raise their bar higher (Paul at school with his handball genius) then I have had to do the same.

I think of it as the Nadal vs Federer - the constant evolution and improvements leading to a better overall standard.

I was not a professional at podcasting but once I started, I had to keep going till I was better.

// Avoiding Complacency

There’s probably another great reason in having a nemesis (again, whether they know it or not) and thats the performance level overall and the fact that you have someone who you need to consistently outperform.

I’ve always treated my nemesis with the utmost respect - I want to continually outperform them but that doesn't mean I need to be disrespectful or rude towards them.

But the level of consistency I need to maintain my own performance is directly tied to the presence of my nemesis.

Without that push, it’s easy to slip into complacency, to settle for 'good enough' instead of striving for greatness.

My nemesis keeps me on my toes, constantly pushing me to innovate, improve, and stay sharp and they also act as a benchmark, reminding me that there’s always room to grow, always another level to reach.

Even when the competition is intense, (like Kev Brown in the Falklands) I've found that this constant drive to outdo my nemesis has actually made me better at everything I do - just like outperforming Kev in my push for promotion.

The fear of falling behind motivates me to never stop learning, to never stop pushing forward. In the end, my nemesis has become one of my greatest allies in the pursuit of excellence.

// Fostering Respect

One final aspect I’ve come to appreciate about having a nemesis is the mutual respect that often develops over time.

While the rivalry is real, it’s not rooted in animosity.

In fact, I’ve found that respecting my nemesis - not just as a competitor, but as someone who is also pushing their own limits - has made the experience better for me. I’d love to be someone else’s nemesis and push someone else to be better and outperform themselves.

I respect the competition to keep it healthy and focused on growth, rather than negativity.

In some cases, this respect can even lead to unexpected collaborations or friendships. I’m meeting with Warren this week and introducing myself will be a strange experience as I doubt Warren knows the impact his podcast had on my own journey.

I’m also watching you Jon Jenkins with your newsletter - your consistency and your attitude drives me to do better and I hope I have the same effect on you.

Ultimately, its not about your nemesis - it’s about driving yourself to do better and be better as that unlocks your true potential - who’s your nemesis?